Growing Pains

Once upon a time, I was happy to have given birth to three girls. When they were babies I felt that I had dodged the huge stress of dealing with a Bris ( Jewish circumcision ceremony) and I never had to deal with "getting hosed" while changing a diaper.  As they have grown, I have discovered the downside to being a mother to girls.  When we are out to dinner, it is mommy who takes the girls to the bathroom. They never have to go at the same time. I always ask "anyone else have to go?" before escorting the one child, only to find when I get back that another one has to go.  This cycle repeats itself constantly throughout the meal!

Now that my twins are getting closer and closer to "womanhood" I have had several talks with them. We have gone bra shopping, discussed the changes in their bodies, and our most recent talk included preparing them for their first periods.  I always tell them they can ask me anything, but inside I am screaming "No! Don't ask that!"  When I was a kid, I was a bookworm.  My mother gave me a book about growing up and I read it cover to cover. This was enough for me, I don't remember asking so many questions!  And I have given them books, but of course they then have questions about the books.  Maybe because it was a one on one situation for me with my mom as my sister was older and already was dealing with puberty by the time it was my turn for "the talk".  Not me, I have two girls peppering me with questions, asking questions off of each others questions! Through all of this I am doing my best to pretend that I am "cool" with the questions.

I know through all of this my husband is sitting back with his fingers in his ears saying "LA LA LA",  Content with the knowledge that this is my role as "mom".  I bet he is relived that we have all girls and can just run and hide when I have to have these talks with the girls.

 That's okay, because I have already decided, and I believe I have earned this decision.  When they turn 15, HE IS TEACHING THEM HOW TO DRIVE!

The Mall

I miss the stroller.  I am happy that Shayna is getting older but yesterday we went to the mall. It was me and the three girls.  Shayna is really too big for the stroller, yet she is still small enough that I do not trust for a second to let go of her hand. A stroller is also ideal for hanging bulky bags and placing drinks that your children no longer wish to carry. Add to that Rachel and Hannah. They are almost 11 so you would think that walking around the mall would be no big thing, but Rachel has Asperger's. This means that she is easily drawn away by something that takes her fancy and is prone to wander. She is also hard to get moving if she does not want to do something or wants to go another direction. As a result, I become a boot camp sergeant at the mall.

The first stop we made was the shoe store, all three girls needed sandals and both Shayna and Hannah had outgrown their sneakers. You would think that this would be no problems, however, the way that the store is set up, all three girls sizes are spread out in three different aisles, but we managed. At the check out I specifically told the clerk to keep the boxes as I would be walking around the mall and didn't want the bulk. I guess she was too busy chewing her gum, and I was too busy keeping the girls from playing with all the accessories they sell at the counter and in my line of vision to realize she did not have the ability to chew gum and comprehend what I said simultaneously.  There was a long line behind me so I just grabbed the two bulky bags, fixed all the stuff my four year old was playing with and left. 

Next the department store to buy a new training bra for Hannah.  Macy's used to have just one store in the mall.  Now they have a whole store for women and another store at the other end of the mall for men, children, and home stuff.  I decided we were better off going to to the lingerie department (plus it was closer). Hannah disagreed. When we got to the department I asked if they carried training bras and she said no, I should check out the other Macy's at the other end of the store.  Hannah them loudly turns to me "See! I told you so!"  The clerk gives me what I am sure is a look of sympathy because that is the moment Rachel decides to loudly comment (inappropriately, of course) on some of the more interesting types of underwear while Shayna is trying to get my attention to discuss the size of my breasts and determine which of the bras on display I should buy.

I usher them out of that department and made the mistake of stopping at the make-up counter to replace my face powder that I have used down to the last particle.  Apparently Shayna really likes Clinique's display make-up. 

At this point there was no way I was dragging my motley crew down to the other side of the mall. I found a "tween" store that sold the size bras we needed.  While at the store Shayna wandered a little too far and I could not see her, I panicked and yelled at her when she peeked into my view half a second later. This caused her to cry the entire time during check out. 

Finally, I thought, we were finished! But It was close to dinner time and I had bribed Rachel and Shayna to behave with a rare treat of dinner in the food court.  Normally I would relish the thought of not having to cook, but the food court means lots of choices.  They all wanted something different. So the drill sergeant in me organized a plan.  We would stop at each of the three places and get it all "to go" rather than balance three different trays and four bulky shopping bags.  Hannah helped with some of the bags so I could carry the food bags as they increased at each stop.

We settled in at the tiny tables and chairs they set aside for kids. I really didn't care that my knees did not fit under the table or that my ass was hanging way off the sides of the chair. I made it.  We were so close to leaving I was able to relax thinking it was easy sailing from here on, I was mistaken.

Shayna made a little friend sitting at the table next to her. The little girl was her age and came over pulling up a chair next to Shayna. I thought it was so cute! Her parents were right behind us and we were enjoying watching and listen to the two preschoolers introduce themselves and have an adorable conversation. Until...

Shayna was telling the little girl about her family. Her sisters and her mommy and daddy.  On Sunday, Ira and I had gone out for a date night without the girls, it was the first such night in a long while.  Shayna proceeded to tell this little girl that her mommy and daddy went on a date. This is pretty much how the conversation went.

"My mommy and daddy went on a date, and they did this"
Shayna began to make small fists and was bumping them together in what looked like and obscene gesture in front of her!

The little girls father was at this point cracking up.

"what?!?" I said to Shayna,  "Are you talking about?"
"This mommy", and she repeated the gesture.
Then she said to the little girl, with a giggle "they kissed."
Of course, the gesture was her mommy and daddy kissing. Still, it was rather embarrassing.  I went five shades of red and tried to laugh it off!  The girls dad was really cracking up at this point.

This is when I cleaned up our mess, smiled politely at the little girls parents, and left dragging kids, bundles, leftovers, and a various assortment of drinks.

I miss the stroller.

Rinse and Repeat

It is a really good feeling when you can get your house in order. This weekend, I cleaned, dusted, swept, and mopped the floor. I was extremely proud of myself. The house looked good...for five minutes.  I told the girls not to move from their respective spots as the floor was drying, but Hannah was hungry. She slipped on the way back to the table after getting her lunch, food everywhere. After the floor was sparkling (again) Shayna spilled her juice.  Then Rachel walked around the house eating various things until I caught her, but not before much of it hit the floor. Soon after, the dog did her usual spot rotation around the house leaving tumbleweeds of fur floating on my pristine tile making me feel like we lived at the OK corral.

In addition to the floor being instantly mucked up, I find mysterious trinkets and toys laying around the house. I say they are mysterious because whenever I ask the girls to pick them up, I am told by all three, that they "didn't do it" or the mess is "not theirs".  Apparently I have faeries residing in my house as well as three daughters, a furry dog, and a well meaning husband. 

It seems like my house is one giant shampoo bottle; rinse, repeat.  I think I am going to take the day off from cleaning and let the fur fall where it may. A nice long soak in a hot bath sounds delicious.

Wait, the tub needs to be cleaned....

An Ode to Dr. Seuss

It is apparent that a parent has much to learn and grow

Tots become tweens and know that they always know!

Sneeches turn to screeches and oncelers become one-ups

We balance more than a fish bowl, an umbrella, and a few cups.

One no, two nos, then maybe a yes

A perfectly patient parent is always under press.

Mood swings, mood rings, and moody snooty tweens,

Once I found a snoot-a-lot among my daughter’s things.

Oh the places we go and the new things we juggle,

Here is why we struggle;

Piled high atop the drama ,

 way above the rest

are classes, sasses, and puppy love by the masses;

We really are just doing our best!

So if you wonder why we seek

Refuge from a crazy week

Just look inside our house and take a peek

On second thought, just close the door

Back away a little more

Turn and run (left foot, left foot, left foot, right)

I wish to spare you such a fright!

Planning for the Unplanned

I believe there is an unknown law of Physics that applies to parenting. My father would disagree and say that there is already a name for this, Murphy's Law.  The phrase "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" originated in a poem by Robert Burns about a poor mama mouse who unknowingly made her nest of babies right in the path of a farmer plowing his fields.  Though I have not yet experienced a bulldozer plowing through my home, I can relate to that poor mama mouse.

My husband and I first noticed this phenomenon when our twins were babies, just when we thought they were both going to be asleep at the same time, the other one would awaken.  If we planned a very expensive family vacation, someone would get sick.  I once planned what I thought was the perfect birthday party for the twins only to have the establishment pack up the presents for the girls in black trash bags, then throw half the presents in the trash!

It is easy to look back and laugh at our misfortunes, in fact it is probably the only healthy way to get through life.  There is a picture of Shayna floating around the family dubbed "towel baby".  She is sleeping in her infant seat dressed in nothing but a diaper and makeshift outfit of towels.  My husband and I had dropped off the kids at my parents house for a night of freedom, our first since having Shayna. I had packed the diaper bag carefully with everything she needed as my parents live 40 minutes away.  Upon arrival it became apparent that both my husband and myself had thought the other put the diaper bag in the car.  "No problem", I said and ran to the supermarket for emergency diapers, wipes, formula, and bottle.  Unfortunately the supermarket did not have extra clothes and this was the night Shayna decided to spit up...everywhere...more than once.  We arrived back at the house to find my baby swaddled in kitchen and bath towels blissfully asleep looking like a cute little hobo. 

Thankfully, we have managed to get through all of these little bumps in the road.  It is frustrating when you are 500 miles from home and you child has thrown up in a taxi, but hey it's memory you'll never  forget!  As annoying as Murphy and his little law can be, life would be boring without the mishaps.  After all, parenting is a road trip without a map and sometimes you find the most beautiful places to stop.

It Get's Different, Not Easier

The early years with twins were not easy, I shudder when I think of octo-mom!   I sort of remember those sleepless nights of constant feedings. I say "sort of" because I spent the entire first year walking around in a trance from lack of sleep. I do remember once in the middle of the night I poured Coke into a bottle I was preparing, thankfully I caught myself before bringing it upstairs!  I remember taking the Diaper Genie every one raved about and tossing the entire thing in a fit of rage into the dumpster because, while it might be ideal for a single baby, it was a nightmare stuffing it with twice the amount of diapers.   Going to the grocery store was a challenge. I would see all the singlton moms with their little portable car seats perched on the grocery cart zooming through the aisles. Not me. There was no room for two car seats, I would push the double stroller in front of me and drag the cart behind me only to be stopped every few feet by some well meaning older woman exclaiming, "Boy, you've got your hands full!"  Every so often I would meet up with another mom with young twins. I recognized the exhaustion and feel real pity for them.  Sometimes they would ask me if it gets easier. I couldn't lie, I told them that they will have more sleep in their future, but I never say it gets easier. I just say it changes, it gets "different".

Parenting never gets easier, whether you have one, two or eight ::shudder:: babies at once.  Yesterday as we were leaving for the Renaissance fair I looked at what Rachel was wearing. Her shorts looked a little too tight, I told her to change as she must have outgrown them. "But Mom, this is how teenagers where their shorts, and I am a preteen!"  Help.

Gone are the days where Mommy was queen.  Where everything I told them was golden and right. I get challenged, sassed, and told how wrong I am despite the fact they constantly acknowledge my wizened age.   I am also loosing my youngest to this behavior, because, "monkey-see-monkey-do".  That same inner strength I had to summon years ago to deal with late nights and double dirty diapers, I must summon again to maintain self control and not end up on the 6 O'clock news.

Yesterday while I was in the shower Hannah came in demanding breakfast. As it was a long weekend and we had plans to go out for the day, I told her that I was going to treat them to donuts after I got out of the shower.  She did not like this option. "You're just lazy!", she yelled at me.

What did my daughter just say to me? It took ALL of the inner strength previously mentioned not to jump through the shower curtain at her!  I will not go into a list of my duties as mom, teacher, and wife; but being lazy is definitely not on them.   On top of the anger I was feeling at this audacious comment, I was hurt.  I know some parents and non-parents would suggest a good slap to the face or sufficient beating to the bottom for this behavior, but I would never slap her across the face ( though the temptation was there!). I am not above a spanking, but I strongly believe in never spanking while angry and I did not think in this case it would be as effective as the punishment her father and I had in mind.

She thinks I am lazy?  Well, now her duties around the house have tripled for the week as I am too lazy to work. She is among other things, responsible for all the dishes and making her bed. I might throw in a few loads of laundry as well.  Because I am so lazy, she must pick up the slack. Breakfast will no longer be available from this lazy wench ( I was at the Renaissance Faire yesterday).  To give her credit, she was very remorseful when she saw how upset I was over her comment. She apologized and felt bad, but she still must learn not to say things out of selfishness and anger. 

What a nice day out today, I think I will be lazy and go make a mess in the kitchen before retiring to a good book. Happy President's Day!

The Little Red-Haired Girl

Last week I reported on the "love life" of my ten year old, Hannah. Well it seems that in a very short time frame the drama has escalated into a love triangle.  Josh, being the typical boy has been going back and forth about whether he is going to the dance with Hannah, his yes went to a no and back to a yes again. After his last yes Hannah received a note from another boy, Mason.  It was asking her if she would go to the dance with him!

So now she comes to me with note in hand not sure what to do. I explain to her that she and Josh have an agreement despite his going back and forth, his last answer was yes and she has to be honorable and not back out.  I did tell her that if Josh changes his mind again then all bets are off and she can agree to go with Mason.   I really don't want my daughter breaking any hearts at age ten. This fifth grade parenting stuff is quite stressful!

As I suffer through this drama with an "award winning" straight face I can't help but think of the "little red-haired girl" in Peanuts.   Unfortunately the role of Charlie Brown goes to poor little Josh who just does not seem to be brave enough to admit he likes her, hence the running back and forth during recess with one word yeses and nos. 

As a typical supporter for the underdog, I am hoping Josh doesn't back out this time. I don't know this Mason kid, for all I know he could be "Pig-Pen"!  Besides, who doesn't want to see Charlie Brown end up with the "little red-haired girl"?

Love on The Playground

My ten year old daughter has a love life, or so she tells me. Yesterday she came to me and said she needed to talk...about her "love life". I was drinking my coffee and almost choked.  It is moments like this when I wish my children had a "Tivo" setting.  I really wanted to pause, laugh my head off, and then turn her back on with a serious face.  Fortunately I had a mouth full of coffee and had to devote my energy to swallowing with a straight face.

Apparently the drama began at the beginning of the year when it was announced that there would be a fifth grade dance at the end of the year. There is a little boy in her fifth grade class that has been in all her classes since first grade and she "likes him".  I believe there have been notes and friends going back and forth between the two to determine if the feeling was mutual and if he would agree to be a "couple" at the dance.  Heavy drama.  The latest update, according to Hannah, is that he ran up to her during recess and said "yes" and then ran off to play with his friends. 

I cannot complain with her choice, he is a nice boy, no tattoos or piercings. He gets good grades and is on the safety patrol with her. He also has won the science fair for the past three years at the school. Not bad, eh?  I can only hope her tastes do not change as she gets older ( please G-d, do not let her bring home the high school dropout with the tongue piercing!). So now we have the added drama of what to wear to the dance.


Now I really want that Tivo button. I want to rewind and watch her as a baby and see her dancing to the Wiggles. I want to fast forward through this conversation and tuck her into bed with her blankie and favorite stuffed animal.  I have an odd feeling this will not be the last conversation about her "love life".   If this is how stressful it is for me at ten, I am afraid to think about how I will be when she is 16.  My darling husband jokes about getting a gun...and some land out in the Everglades.  At least I think he is joking.  His standard response these days when I talk about our girls growing up is "I don't want to hear it!"  Poor daddy.

So now Hannah is going on about a dress she saw in a store window, she has asked me if she could get her nails done before the dance.  She is already discussing how she will wear her hair ( should it be up or down?).  I take a sip of my coffee and listen to her, all the while wondering if this poor little boy really knows what he got himself into when he said "yes" during recess!

No Cure

Is your child acting "tweenish"? I have had many people share with me that they suspect their child might also be afflicted with this trying disorder.  I will now post some telltale signs of this conditon.

Excerpted from TwebMD,

Overview and Facts
Tweenragism is a condition that usually afflicts children between the ages of 9-13 (in rare cases with older siblings it can manifest itself earlier). Often it continues beyond 13 in the form of another condition usually referred to as "teenrager".
causes
There are no known causes, however research has shown that prolonged exposure to the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon can aggravate the condition. 

Are you at risk? If you are a parent, you are not at risk to contract this condition, but you will suffer from it. Any child approaching the preteen-hood is dangerously at risk.

Prevention.
This is a controversial issue. Some experts feel that strict parenting can prevent tweenragism from occurring. Others feel that no amount of punishment can shake the symptoms.

Symptoms and Types
excessive eyerolling
dramatic mood swings
sudden dislike of their parents choices
frequent bouts of mortification
uncontrolled angry outbursts
an altered perception of reality


Diagnosis and Tests
Say "good morning" to the child. If you have any of the above responses, run!

Treatment and Care
There is no treatment for the child. For the parent it is recommended to get a good shrink and a bottle of Merlot.

Living and Managing
good luck.

Support and Resources
tweenragers.blogspot.com and the above mentioned bottle of Merlot.

Asperger's is Just Plain Awesome

My daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. She makes me smile, she makes me laugh. I cannot imagine her any other way. She is not "special", she makes me feel special to be around her.

Here are my top ten reasons why Asperger's Syndrome is just plain awesome.

1.  Other people's opinions are not important. Rachel not only has her own drum beat, she has an entire orchestra playing her songs. She is happy just being her and doing the things she enjoys.

2.  Information is food.  She cannot get enough. Fact books, wiki, and almanacs are devoured like candy and instantly remembered!

3.  A great sense of humor. I once was told that people who have Asperger's may not "get" jokes. Not only is this not true, but I find that Rachel has an incredible perspective on things and is able to find humor in many situations that my neuotypical self cannot.

4. Incredible creativity. When she puts information together I am awed and amazed at how her mind works. This is the kind of creativity that moves the world.  I can't wait to see what she accomplishes!

5. Acceptance of others.  Rachel knows she is a little bit different and that it is okay. This is not just a rule in her world, it is a fact.  Sometimes I think the world would be better if we all had Asperger's!

6.  Never being a follower. There is no pressure to be like the others, Rachel does not care what is popular. As I said before, she has an entire orchestra behind her, why should she be in anyone else's band?

7. Life is never boring.  There are just too much to learn to ever get bored. Rachel can sit and read for hours and still not find enough information to satisfy her brain.

8.  Music and movement are a part of life. Rachel is always singing, dancing, and moving to her beat. She hears songs and remembers the melody. She was singing before she could talk. I love to listen to her sing and watch her movements. She can soothe her self with movement.

9.  Order in the unseen. Rachel has an order to the world that we cannot see, this is why she can make connections that most people cannot. Sometime it takes a while for my brain to catch up to hers, she teaches me so much.

And lastly...

10. Asperger's Syndrome adds color to a blank canvas. My world would not be as rich and complete without Rachel being Rachel. She is bright, funny, and adds so much color to my life!